sun set at 2:00 PM

A Rainy Day...

Woke up in the morning thinking that it is still early cause don't see any sunshine. Then again looking at the alarm, its already 730am. Just realized that it is about to rain that's why so gloomy. A headache start developing and it did not subside after shower. Thought my morning coffee will cure it but guess i am wrong. Maybe a longer sleep will do the trick but its time to go work :p

It is a relief that i do not have much thoughts of giving up on this job. Although for now i am still unsure of my scope, there are still stuff for me to learn. Think i have to take it slow since the previous job got me so choked up in picking up new stuff in days or say...hours! Also i can't make rush decisions now. Everything needs $$, and i am overspending >.< To think previously when pay wasn't that high, i was able to save $$ but nowadays i will be thankful if i did not swap any of my cards:p

Lifestyle change as we grow. More and more pressure and stress faced each day. Be it financial issue, family issue, relationships issue, life still need to go on. Its a matter of how you see the issues. Think positively and face it or live in misery and sunder by it. All are our choices.

There is a day when met up with a close friend who has not been in contact for quite a while. Only these 2 months we are back in contact for meet ups. We used to be on impromptus meet ups but she seems to be so busy. Thinking she might be wanting to spend more time with family as her FB updates r mostly those, so did not ask her out that frequently. Or rather, most of the time she is the one initializing the meet-ups. I do not have the habit of asking people out as to me, my schedules are more flexible as compared to other friends and i feel that they might be busy so i rather not disturb. So when she stopped attending gatherings and cease our impromptu meetup, i was a bit worry. Tried asking her out a few times but failed so i stopped. Only on/off messaging asking if all is well.
It somehow breaks my heart when see her cry while having dinner 1 day. She must have been bottling up too much till finally breakdown in front of me. This is not the first time though. But it pains me to see a friend having to put up so much to balance work-life, family and friends. And all she needs is a word of concern, appreciation.

Feeling appreciated and knows that there is someone who cares is important. Although i may say i don't need it, i am strong, i can deal with it or i don't really care but deep down inside who knows i am yearning for it? If i feel that you are busy, i will not disturb. I remember kena said by a friend that i am drifting away from the friendship cause i do not seems to care about her anymore. Less in contact doesn't mean i do not care. Its just that it might be my assumed thoughts that you are busy with life and all. I presumed that you know i am free most of the time. If want a chat or a meet up, i am just a call away. My phone is on 24hrs. For those who knows me well, should know this.

I know sometimes i should initiate more rather than wait. There is a lot of things or rather habits that i should change, i am learning to. It has not occur to me that i have to voice out my unhappiness to others. I am so used to bottling it all up till i breakdown. Breaking down also is in silence. Crying silently in the night is my way of relief.  Maybe it is the insecurity feeling. I do not like to feel 'exposed'. I am afraid that i'm hindering my friends with my unhappiness. So i keep things to myself...but now, learning to express my feelings more. ^o^

Wishing all my friends and their family are blessed and happy, be away from all unhappiness...