sun set at 11:19 AM

Monday Blues

It is going 930am and here i am seated alone in the office. No one is in the office yet. I wonder am i working at the correct timing?
Suddenly come across a message on fb "Some people relax with TV, some people relax with a book, and some people relax with friends. But when was the last time you rested by truly doing nothing? Sometimes it's necessary to simply be still and breathe."
Maybe i really should take time do nothing and just breathe. But it scares me at time to be alone doing nothing. I can go all blank and stone. Stone till i feel so soulless >.<  Don't like this feeling. it seems like i will start imagining stuff...
I enjoy being alone reading, watching tv or surfing net. But not doing nothing. The feeling of loneliness will just kick in :( Getting emotional is not my cup of tea. Dun like to feel out of control.
Sometimes i do need an outburst, to cry, to scream, whatever. Bottoming too much feelings jams me but that's me. So used to keeping to myself. My outlet to release is cry. But now i doesn't even feel like crying anymore. I will do things to keep myself, my mind occupied.
What for to think so much? Can't we just think simply? Live a simple life?
In this society is difficult i know. Friends around me have been asking me what plans i have in future. As next yr i am officially able to get my own flat but to think that my savings is not like last time after all the travels, i am worried myself to think about it. Like my mum said, i can buy but i won't hv $$ to reno >.<
Yesterday was at a close friend's wedding dinner. As usual kena the the same old question of when my turn as at the table mostly are married with kids. Luckily im not the only single so throw the arrow to the others haha :p Sometimes i just feel that getting attached or getting married is not the point in my life. If the feel is not right, why get attached? Or am i treating every guy who are nice just being nice. I don't want to read too much into their acts. I dun want to get the wrong idea also. For me, its very simple, just get it straight, although i may think its a joke though :p I am someone who lacks confidence and have a bit of inferior complex. So i would rather not think too much and get myself hurt.
I am blessed with many friends around me. I feel bad at times when they share their happiness and sorrows with me but i am not doing the same. It is not that i do not trust them. It is just that i am too used to keeping the innermost feelings to myself. The feeling of being exposed make me feel vulnerable. Is it pride? I do not what my burden on others as to me, when with friends, it is to be happy.
I remember i almost blow myself to the extreme and get all upset for no reason and the feeling of being at lose is too much to tolerate. A friend came to me and spoke, comforted me. Broke me down to tears in front of her. I never did that. Tears to me are my silent sorrows in the night and is to swallow on my own only. I tried bit by bit to open up to them. Difficult but am trying till this day.
Hmm...why am i writing all this. Think i am too free now to pen down all this thoughts :p Monday blues...(n im in blue lol :p)